Thank God for church ladies with typewriters.
These sentences appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services.
(Summer, 2007 Release)
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The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
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The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.' The sermon tonight:'Searching for Jesus.'
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Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in therecreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.
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Ladies, don'tforget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worthkeeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
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The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to aconflict.
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Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community.
Smile at someonewho is hard to love.
Say 'Hell' to someone who doesn't care much about you.
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Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
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Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I Will Not Pass This Way Again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
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For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nurserydownstairs.
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Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the helpthey can get.
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The Rector will preach his farewell message, after which the choir willsing: 'Break Forth Into Joy.'
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Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24th in the church.So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
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At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?'Come early and listen to our choir practice.
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Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of severalnew members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
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Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled.Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
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Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased personyou want remembered.
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The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.
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Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - Prayer and medication to follow.
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The ladies of theChurch have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in thebasement on Friday afternoon.
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This eveningat 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church.Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
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Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies areinvited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.
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The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lendhim their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
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Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use theback door.
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The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Churchbasement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
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Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Pleaseuse the large double doors at the side entrance.
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The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign sloganlast Sunday : 'I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours'
Showing posts with label Funny. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Funny. Show all posts
Monday, April 20, 2009
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
Friday, February 27, 2009
For Sale
Just a little funny for today =o)
Today we were on our way to my mom's house
when we passed a field full of cows. And just naturally,
I told Cameron to "Look...Cows!"
He said "Wow~and they are all for sale."
"Really?" I said.
"Yup. See all the price tags in their ears?"
Today we were on our way to my mom's house
when we passed a field full of cows. And just naturally,
I told Cameron to "Look...Cows!"
He said "Wow~and they are all for sale."
"Really?" I said.
"Yup. See all the price tags in their ears?"
Monday, February 9, 2009
Friday, January 16, 2009
Killer
A wealthy old Gentleman decides to go on a hunting safari inAfrica, taking his faithful, elderly Jack Russell named Killer, alongfor the company.
One day the old Jack Russell starts chasing rabbits and beforelong, discovers that he's lost. Wandering about, he notices a leopardheading rapidly in his direction with the intention of having lunch.
The old Jack Russell thinks, 'Oh, oh! I'm in deep doo-doo now!'Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles downto chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as theleopard is about to leap, the old Jack Russell exclaims loudly, 'Boy,that was one delicious leopard! I wonder if there are any more aroundhere.'
Hearing this, the young leopard halts his attack in mid-strike,a look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees.'Whew!'says the leopard, 'That was close! That old Jack Russell nearly hadme!'
Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from anearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade itfor protection from the leopard. So off he goes, but the old JackRussell sees him heading after the leopard with great speed, and figuresthat something must be up.
The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beansand strikes a deal for himself with the leopard.
The young leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says,'Here, monkey, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to thatconniving canine!
Now, the old Jack Russell sees the leopard coming with themonkey on his back and thinks, 'What am I going to do now?', but insteadof running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretendinghe hasn't seen them yet, and just when they get close enough to hear,the old Jack Russell says...
'Where's that monkey? I sent him off an hour ago to bringme another leopard!
One day the old Jack Russell starts chasing rabbits and beforelong, discovers that he's lost. Wandering about, he notices a leopardheading rapidly in his direction with the intention of having lunch.
The old Jack Russell thinks, 'Oh, oh! I'm in deep doo-doo now!'Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles downto chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as theleopard is about to leap, the old Jack Russell exclaims loudly, 'Boy,that was one delicious leopard! I wonder if there are any more aroundhere.'
Hearing this, the young leopard halts his attack in mid-strike,a look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees.'Whew!'says the leopard, 'That was close! That old Jack Russell nearly hadme!'
Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from anearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade itfor protection from the leopard. So off he goes, but the old JackRussell sees him heading after the leopard with great speed, and figuresthat something must be up.
The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beansand strikes a deal for himself with the leopard.
The young leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says,'Here, monkey, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to thatconniving canine!
Now, the old Jack Russell sees the leopard coming with themonkey on his back and thinks, 'What am I going to do now?', but insteadof running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretendinghe hasn't seen them yet, and just when they get close enough to hear,the old Jack Russell says...
'Where's that monkey? I sent him off an hour ago to bringme another leopard!
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
Maxine for Autumn
Give a Girl the right high-heel shoes
and she can conquer the world.
It also puts her 4 to 6 inches closer to Heaven.
(Hope you enjoy these!)
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